


step by step (a to z)

by daephylleia



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, back up dancers yuwin, chain sicheng and cherry bomb yuta, mutual pining unbeknownst to both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daephylleia/pseuds/daephylleia
Summary: “I’m Sicheng,” he says holding out his hand to the stranger before him – another backup dancer. The man smiles and Sicheng thinks, ‘cute’ before pushing it out of his mind and gesturing again with his hand.“Yuta,” the stranger announces, “I’m Yuta. It’s nice to meet you Sicheng,” He takes Sicheng’s hand – his hand is warm, he notices – and shakes it gently.





	step by step (a to z)

“I’m Sicheng,” he says holding out his hand to the stranger before him – another backup dancer. The man smiles and Sicheng thinks, ‘cute’ before pushing it out of his mind and gesturing again with his hand. The stranger seems to have forgotten how to shake hands for the moment and his features widen when he realizes Sicheng’s intentions.

“Yuta,” the stranger announces, “I’m Yuta. It’s nice to meet you Sicheng,” He takes Sicheng’s hand – his hand is warm, he notices – and shakes it gently. When he releases it Sicheng doesn’t wipe his hand on his pants surprisingly. Sicheng gives a small smile in return, “Nice to meet you too Yuta.”

The other man – who Sicheng now knows as Yuta – opens his mouth to say something but is cut off by the choreographer.

“Alright, backups, you guys come back here, you’ll enter at this motion,” he explains, mimicking the motion and Yuta has already turned his focus to the group. Sicheng stares at the back of Yuta’s dark hair for a moment before listening. His eyes linger throughout the dance practice.

-

Sicheng likes to think he’s a kind person. Maybe his Korean is a bit lacking so some take it as disinterest or hate, but in all honesty sometimes Sicheng doesn’t know what a person is saying to him. He usually nods and repeats the last word. So, the next day when they’re practicing, he’s only slightly surprised when the artist they’re backup dancers for and the other backup dancers flock to Yuta, leaving Sicheng to take his water break alone.

He’s noticed Yuta’s Korean is also not top notch, probably having to do with him being from Japan. Despite this though, Yuta’s charismatic personality attracts anyone and everyone, like a moth drawn to flame. It’s almost sickening how easy Yuta adapts to their roles and Sicheng seems to be left in the dust. Not because Sicheng can’t dance – that he  _ can _ do, very, very well – but because no one has bothered to make him feel like part of the group. So when they dance, he does everything correctly, but something is off with their chemistry, he can tell.

He tries to hold in the glare at the back of Yuta’s hair, this time for a completely different reason, as he pours back nearly a whole bottle of water. The practice room is freezing and his sweat feels like ice drops cascading down his front as he pulls his shirtfront repeatedly to get some air.

When he turns to throw the bottle away, his arm is tapped lightly and he turns to face the artist they’re dancing for. He’s got an eye smile that Sicheng thinks could ruin him but he keeps that information in the deep recesses of his mind.

“Minyoon,” Sicheng says by way of greeting. He forgets about the bottle, letting it drop onto someone’s bag.

“You looked so lonely over here, so I figured I’d join you,” the artist explains, eye smile full force. 

Sicheng raises an eyebrow in slight disbelief and then narrows his eyes, “Why?”

Minyoon snorts and lets out a gentle laugh, “Umm… You’re fun to talk to?” He says it nearly as a question which does nothing to lower Sicheng’s suspicions.

“We’ve only talked twice since I started dancing for you,” Sicheng states a bit coldly. He’s not sure where all this is coming from and he can only get pieces of what Minyoon is trying to say, and from those he’s not very pleased. He doesn’t like being mocked. He turns again, ready to grab the discarded water bottle and is stopped yet again by a hand, only this time it’s gently grasping his arm. 

He turns to see Minyoon giving him an unreadable look that’s quickly transformed into an apologetic look when their eyes meet. Sicheng softens just a bit. 

“What I meant to say was, ‘I’d like to talk to you more’,” Minyoon explains, voice gentle, like he’s afraid Sicheng will disregard him again. And Sicheng surprises himself for the second time this month by saying, “I’d like to talk to you more too.”

 

-

 

The next week, Sicheng goes with Minyoon to a ramen shop after their practice. Minyoon is going to be performing at a festival tomorrow so he offered to take him out to ramen to ‘talk more’. 

They weren’t doing much talking. At least not from Sicheng’s part. Minyoon spoke so fast and his voice was oddly deep and didn’t quite fit his face and Sicheng found himself really only answering with ‘hmm’ and ‘mhm’ throughout the entire meal. 

“I’m sorry, I think I might be talking about myself too much,” Minyoon admits with a bashful expression on his face. He wipes away some of the ramen broth from his chin and gestures to Sicheng, “Tell me about yourself.” 

Sicheng tries not to cringe, he hates talking about himself. That surprises most people, they always assume he’s conceited - he is, but to a point. He knows when to stop.

“I’m from Wenzhou, China. I’m twenty and I dance, I like cats and have a hairless one. I live alone in a very small apartment where the people above me have sex every night. It’s very displeasing to hear,” Sicheng explains. He’s sure Minyoon was expecting more but he’s not sure what else to say. He doesn’t talk to others often. 

Minyoon’s smile grows as he goes on and Sicheng avoids his eyes, he’s not sure he can look at them. “I’ve danced since I was very young and was actually scouted because of my traditional dance. There’s not much to tell…” Sicheng trails off awkwardly. He coughs his throat and sits back in his seat, flicks the chopsticks sticking out of his bowl. 

“You’re an interesting person Sicheng,” is all Minyoon says. He smirks while he says it and Sicheng flashes a half smile in return, his stomach feeling slightly uneasy. 

 

-

They’re backstage at the festival, getting their hair and makeup done when Yuta breaks apart from the group to come speak with him. 

Sicheng is running through their choreography in his head, mimicking a few motions in the corner of the dressing room and his head snaps up when he notices feet in front of him. He trails his gaze up to see the feet are attached to none other than Yuta. Sicheng feels his face heat up just in the slightest and he blames it on the poor air conditioning in the room before taking his earpods out. 

“Sicheng, hello,” Yuta says with a little hand wave and wide smile. Sicheng thinks it’s endearing, the way Yuta smiles, like he’s never seen anything harsh in the world. It’s an innocent smile, and Sicheng… likes it a lot. He won’t admit it ever. 

“Hi Yuta,” Sicheng answers and twists the ear pods in his hand, not really understanding why Yuta has decided to spend his time talking to him. 

Again, Yuta smiles and rather than offer a handshake like when they first met, he holds out a closed fist, making a gesture for Sicheng to bump them together. Which he does with a little confused smile. “I just wanted to say good luck. You’ve been doing great during rehearsal and I’m excited to dance on the same stage as you, so, fighting!” Yuta says excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet a bit. He bites his lip and Sichen tries not to linger on that. 

Instead, Sicheng looks at his face, the way his wavy dark hair is parted to the side just a bit and long enough to brush the tops of his eyes. There’s a hair sticking out just a bit, to the point where it bothers Sicheng. He reaches his hand out, meaning to brush it behind his ear, but halfway through he realizes how strange it would be if he were to do that and awkwardly lands a heavy hand on Yuta’s shoulder, pats it once and smiles nervously, “Thank you. You too.” He hates how stiff his voice sounds compared to Yuta’s and especially hates how he notices the slight fall in Yuta’s features before he’s smiling again, bright as ever. 

Sicheng pats his shoulder again and tries to think of something better to say, some way to dispel the weird tension between them but then their manager is calling them to get backstage and Yuta only grasps his hand for a moment with another smile and then turns to follow the group. 

He frowns at the ground and sucks in a deep breath, rubbing his thumb across the palm of his hand as if he could feel the softness of Yuta’s hand again. Sicheng rolls his eyes at his own silly thought and follows the others, standing just behind Yuta. 

They’re walking through the venue, and Sicheng hears the crowd roaring and it causes his heart to do tiny flips. It’s been awhile since he’s performed on stage and though the backup dancers aren’t what the focus is going to be on, he still can’t get past the sickly feeling of needing to throw up. 

It must show because as they’re standing to the side of the stage waiting for the current group to step off, Yuta turns to him and gives him a warm, sincere smile. He reaches out and repeats Sicheng’s hand pat from a few moments ago. “You’ll be okay. I know it,” he gives a reassuring smile and a thumbs up, “And your appearance is very nice so I think the crowd will forget about any mistakes if there are some.” At this Sicheng finds himself trying to brush his orange-ish blonde, bobby-pinned hair back but realizes he can’t do so and gives an embarrassed smile to Yuta. He nods his head in an slight bow, “Thank you. I feel… better now actually,” Sicheng responds and he finds his statement to actually be true. He tries his best to return the smile to Yuta and it seemingly does the job because Yuta is beaming again and Sicheng thinks he really likes that smile. 

They’re interrupted by Minyoon walking over and giving them a thumbs up, putting his ear pieces in. “Let’s get it guys!” It’s then that Sicheng realizes they were surrounded by people, and apparently things and people don’t dissolve away when he talks to another person. He doesn’t know why the thought causes his face to warm. He ignores it. 

“You’re braids are nice,” Minyoon points to the side of Sicheng’s hair where they’re pinned back. He smiles and mouths ‘thank you’, but for some reason the compliment doesn’t do anything for him. 

He meets Yuta’s gaze from across their little circle and sees something unreadable, on the verge of anger and he widens his eyes for a moment before Minyoon is starting their chant and their hands all go down - Sicheng’s automatically - and up before they’re running on stage. Sicheng doesn’t know what just happened but he completely pushes it away the moment the lights come on and the music starts. 

There’s a part in the choreography, where Yuta comes behind Minyoon and has to run his hands down his sides and Sicheng comes in and mimics stealing Minyoon away and he’s done it a million times it feels like. Seen it a million times. So why now, does he nearly frown when Yuta’s hands gently slide down Minyoon’s side? 

 

-

The show is over and their manager volunteered to take them all out for drinks. It is quite literally the last thing Sicheng wants to do. He has this tight feeling in his chest and every time he looks at either Minyoon or Yuta it grows worse and he hates it. 

They go to a club, one that Sicheng thinks might be a bit too much for even him. He’s partied before - he wasn’t innocent by any means, but he takes one look at everyone and his body feels frozen in place. 

“C’mon, it can’t be that bad, we can grab a few drinks and be fine,” comes a voice from behind him. Sicheng shivers a bit at the proximity and scoots forward away from Minyoon who has a smirk on his face and danger in his eyes. Sicheng thinks he’s already had a drink or two on the way here for him to be acting this way. He wouldn’t know though. They took seperate cars. Sicheng hadn’t felt like riding with the group anyways - they probably felt the same way. 

Sicheng turns around to face Minyoon and despite his doglike manners, he still finds him unbearably attractive, the lighting of the club not helping at all. “I guess I can have one or two,” he finds himself agreeing, just to see that eye smile again. His heart does a double beat when Minyoon grabs his arm, pulling him gently to the bar with a ridiculous laugh and another: “You’re really something Sicheng.”

Seven shots and three mixed drinks later Sicheng is definitely past his limit. He knows this because of three things. One: the room has been spinning for quite some time. Two: he’s been considering stepping on the dancefloor. And Three: he’s been considering something dangerous - like kissing Minyoon in front of all these people. 

He doesn’t like these thoughts and he doesn’t drink specifically for those reasons. He cannot hold his alcohol and it drives him to do crazy things like risking it all to shove his tongue down another man’s throat. 

But Minyoon is making it extremely difficult to hold back with the way he’s been draping himself across Sicheng all night, asking him silly questions to get Sicheng to laugh. Buying him drinks to get Sicheng to smile. Sicheng thinks it’s all ridiculous but he also doesn’t feel like stopping it. He likes the attention. He likes feeling like he’s apart of them. 

Everything is all wrong though because Yuta isn’t there. He’s on the dancefloor in a throng of people, doing all sorts of things Sicheng can’t imagine and when he finds himself staring he shakes his head slowly, trying to clear his mind of those thoughts because why does he care what Yuta’s doing? 

Then Yuta turns to dance with another man, in the club full of people watching and Sicheng freezes on spot, they can’t do that here. He won’t see Yuta hurt for something like that and so he steps off the stool he was on beginning his slow trek to the other man. Or at least he was going to, but the moment he tries to take his first step his knee decides it’s had too much alcohol for the time being and apparently disconnects from his brain. 

Sicheng falls onto the floor and yet again his mind finds this extremely hilarious and he begins to let out an unfortunately very unflattering laugh. Maybe he’s laughing at his misfortune. Maybe he’s laughing at the silliness of this whole night. Maybe he’s laughing at how he can’t get Yuta putting his hands on Minyoon out of his mind. Maybe. 

“I think you’ve had a bit too much Sichengie.” He hears a voice from above him and he opens his eyes.  _ When did he close his eyes? _

Yuta stands over him with a mild look on his face and Sicheng doesn’t like that. He reaches up and grabs onto the outstretched hand of  _ Minyoon? _

“Hey,” Sicheng slurs, looking between the two men, “What are you both doing here when you were both over there?” He asks, and in his mind it makes sense. “You both are silly, did you know that?”  _ What is he saying? Why won’t his mouth stop?  _ He laughs, cackles really, “Silly, silly, silly,” he repeats and suddenly he’s being hoisted up and thrown over a shoulder. 

He’s also so so so tired. So tired. “-m sleepy,” he mumbles to the person carrying him. He pats their back to get their attention, “Did - did you hear me?” Sicheng gets no response and frowns. Giving up, he lets his head drop and knock against the back of the person carrying him. “Sleepy,” he slurs out once more before drifting off into an uncomfortable sleep. 

 

-

When he wakes up the next morning, the first thing he takes note of is the absence of an annoying cat scratching his face demanding food. The second thing he’s aware of is what feels like actual war-drums pounding away in his skull apparently trying to force his eyes and brain out. 

“I figured you’d feel like shit this morning, so there’s some pain reliever and juice on the nightstand there for you,” Yuta’s voice comes from the doorway. And that’s when Sicheng realizes he’s not at his home at all, but at Yuta’s. In Yuta’s bed. His heart sinks. 

Sicheng sits up and thankfully he’s still wearing his clothes from last night - they’re sweaty and sticky and he thinks there might be some unwanted substances on them but he’s thankful he wasn’t undressed last night. Yuta must see him worrying and comes to sit on the edge of the bed a soft but also sympathetic look on his face, “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t take your clothes off. I think that probably would have scared you, especially since I let you have my bed last night,” he pauses and glances down at his lap. Plays with the comforter for a moment and has a look on his face like he wants to say something but then thinks better of it and glances back up to meet Sicheng’s eyes, “You were out before we even left the club and stayed that way until just now. I didn’t know where your apartment was and I couldn’t wake you up to ask, so the only option was here. I hope you don’t mind.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t mind. Thank you.” Sicheng grabs the painkillers and downs them before drinking some of the orange juice Yuta left out for him and he thinks maybe the pounding in his head has subdued a bit but not to the point where he feels like he can move. He still feels nauseous and if he were to get up now he might throw up on Yuta’s floor. He doesn’t want that. 

“I’m sorry,” he begins, unsure of how to word this, “Can I stay for a bit longer? My head,” he gestures to it like that’ll help. “It hurts and I feel not very good.”

Somehow Yuta understands him and nods, he scoots forward a bit and reaches out, lays the back of his palm against Sicheng’s forehead. “You’re a bit warm, I’ll bring you some water and ice pack,” he explains and pulls back, a slight frown on his face. Yuta stands and walks to the door, pauses at the door frame, “Are you feeling okay to eat? Or too sick?”

Sicheng shakes his head again, a bit too fast and causes him to feel dizzy - that in itself is probably answer enough and Yuta simply nods, knocking on the door frame before walking out and presumably into the kitchen.  

He takes this time to slowly glance around the room and notices two things. One: Yuta must like anime and Two: Yuta has an extensive amount of friends. There’s pictures of him with so many people and Sicheng finds his heart clenching just in the slightest. He’s hit with a small feeling of loneliness. He hates being reminded of things like this. He focuses on the anime posters instead. He doesn’t know what any of them are - Sicheng doesn’t watch anime. 

“I like to watch anime if you couldn’t tell,” Yuta says by way of greeting. He hands Sicheng a bottle of water and an ice pack wrapped in a small washcloth. 

Sicheng nods, “You have a lot of friends” he also points out, as if it weren’t obvious. He’s not sure why he’s trying to make small talk. 

Yuta gives him a curious glance and sits on the corner of the bed, “They all still live in Osaka.” His voice softens and trails off with a sad lilt and Sicheng regrets bringing it up. He knows the feeling. The feeling of leaving behind your home. Your life. Your friends and family. It’s everything you’ve ever known. “I’m sorry,” Sicheng says. 

“It’s okay,” Yuta responds and in that moment Sicheng finds himself able to give an actual genuine smile because at least he’s not the only one with the intense feeling of homesickness. 

They sit silently for a moment, Sicheng sips his water and Yuta watches him. When their eyes meet, Yuta glances quickly away, coughs his throat. “We have the day off. Do you want to watch a movie with me?” 

Sicheng thinks for a moment. Did he have anything else to do? He did have to feed his cat. She’d be mad at him if he waited till nightfall, but it wouldn’t be the first time he’s done it. She can wait. 

He nods his head, “I can’t stay over. But I would like to yes.”

Yuta’s eyes widen momentarily and Sicheng realizes he worded that wrong and scrambles to find the right thing to say. “I have a cat,” he stumbles out, “She would be mad if I got home too late. She’d bite me. So I can’t stay long, but I’d like to watch a movie with you, yes.”

The other man visibly relaxes and Sicheng isn’t sure if he’s happy or a bit disappointed. “Oh,” Yuta says quietly and there’s that tension - where they’re both thinking of something to say. It seems to be happening more frequently. “I can take you home tonight then.” And well, then it’s decided. Sicheng gulps down some more water to help the headache go away, and Yuta gets up in search of his laptop. 

When he finds it, he scoots up the bed next to Sicheng and when their arms brush Sicheng doesn’t pull away. 

They spend the next couple of hours watching some movie Yuta recommended. Sicheng tries to pay attention, he really does, but he’s a bit distracted. 

And when he gets home, his cat - Mao - surprisingly doesn’t bite him. She purrs and rubs his legs as he walks to feed her and Sicheng thinks that despite waking up today with a hangover, he’s going to bed feeling better than he has in a while. 

 

-

They have performance after performance, practice after practice and no breaks in between schedules. Sicheng thinks he’s never been this tired in his life. He wants to sleep more than ever and it seems everything is coming to a point. Like everything has been building up for something to happen and the air is constantly tense. Minyoon takes him out to ramen after many of their practices and when he leaves with him, Yuta gives him this same look that Sicheng hasn’t been able to decipher. In the back of his mind he has an idea but he doesn’t let it get any further than that. He doesn’t like to think about it. 

He hasn’t gone over to Yuta’s apartment since the night he got drunk. They’ve not really talked about that day and Sicheng thinks he might be disappointed if the feeling in his stomach every time he sees Yuta with the other dancers is anything to go by. 

It’s their second practice of the day, this one focused on the special choreography since the last show of tour is coming up. Everyone is snapping at each other for silly things and Sicheng, for once, is glad no one has tried to be his friend even still. He minds his own business, does exactly what he’s supposed to without faults and leaves. 

Except today, he might not be able to do that. Their choreographer shoots him a disappointed look after he does a front flip. The music stops and he freezes, breathing heavily, looking around to find out the problem. 

“Sicheng,” the choreographer announces, pulling his attention towards him. The room is oddly silent save for the sound of heavy breaths. “You’ve been a part of this team for months, but I don’t think anyone can tell. You don’t even try to look like a cohesive part of the group. It’s obvious and people will tell. Our final show is coming up soon and you need to figure it out,” he snaps and Sicheng takes in a deep breath. Nods and breaks eye contact. Looks down at the ground and heaves another deep breath, signals he’s ready and stands in his ready position. He lifts his head only to see the choreographer shake his head in disappointment, throw his hands up, turn around and walk out. Sicheng doesn’t do anything. Doesn’t say anything. He watches it happen along with the rest of the group. He doesn’t feel like he’s physically there, he feels detached from the situation and when the music starts up his body goes along with it automatically and he doesn’t think. 

Their practice ends immediately after, being as how their choreographer walked out. Sicheng is shaking and his mind is swimming with every sort of emotion. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. He can’t even hardly pick up his bag without dropping it and when Minyoon tries to stop him from walking out of the room he shakes his arm off and gives him a wild look that probably scared him off for good. He’s still shaking as he leaves their practice building and his mind races and his chest heaves and he still doesn’t know what is going on. 

“Sicheng.” He glances up to see Yuta standing over him and he feels an odd sense of deja vu, like he’s been in this situation before. But… how did he get on the ground? Why is he on the ground? “Sicheng,” Yuta repeats, and now he’s level with Sicheng, peeling his hands gently away from his face. They’re both crouching on the sidewalk next to the bus stop and Sicheng thinks he’s missed the bus. His heart races again because he can’t miss the bus, it’s the last one this early in the morning when they leave practice. He can’t miss it or he can’t go home and Mao will surely bite him tonight and he can’t breathe again. 

“Breathe, Sicheng, please breathe,” Yuta urges and pulls Sicheng’s hands to his chest. Places them over his heart, “Feel how I breathe and copy me okay?” 

Sicheng nods and times his breaths with Yuta’s, focusing only on the in and out of Yuta’s breathing. He’s not sure how long they sit there, crouched on the sidewalk, at three in the morning, Sicheng’s hands now clutching Yuta’s shirt and tears he never wanted to let see the light of day, flowing freely. 

“I can take you home if you’d like?” Yuta asks and Sicheng shakes his head. Yuta raises an eyebrow. 

“Can I…” He’s not sure if it’s appropriate but he can’t be alone tonight. “Can I go with you?” Sicheng asks, voice trembling. He doesn’t look Yuta in the eyes, scared to see the oncoming rejection. 

He’s surprised when he feels Yuta tug him up into a standing position, “Okay,” he breathes, “Okay. You can come back to mine.” Yuta’s hands unwrap themselves from Sicheng’s wrists and one comes up to gently wipe the tears from underneath his eyes and tuck his hair back behind his ear. Yuta wears a forlorn, sort of half smile while he does it. Like it pains him to do it and Sicheng hates how he nearly rests into the barely there palm against his cheek. 

Yuta leads Sicheng back to their practice building, to the parking garage actually and to Yuta’s car. Sicheng didn’t know Yuta had a car. He realizes he doesn’t know much about Yuta. 

It’s a nice car too, a little on the expensive side and Sicheng wonders how Yuta can afford it but he doesn’t want to intrude anymore than he already is. 

“It was a gift, from my parents,” Yuta explains, apparently reading Sicheng’s mind. “They bought it for me when I told them I had to leave and come here. They told me that if I was going to leave them, I should at least have a good way to get around.”

Sicheng nods at this, “That’s very kind of them.” He wants to smack himself for being so beyond cringey and awkward. 

The car ride is quiet between the two, only the music from Yuta’s phone plugged in plays. Sicheng will admit he has extremely good taste in music, and he’s very picky with music. He tells him this. 

Yuta glances over at him with a soft grin as he merges onto the highway, “Thank you. I try.” He winks and Sicheng glances away quickly, now all his attention focused on the lights and scenery flying by outside. 

“Do you have any siblings?” Sicheng finds himself asking. He figures now is a good a time as ever to talk about anything with Yuta. 

“A sister,” Yuta answers, “You?”

Sicheng shakes his head, then realizes Yuta can’t see him. “No, I don’t. Do you like cats?” 

“They’re not bad. I like dogs more.” Sicheng snorts at this but doesn’t comment. 

“Why do you watch anime?” 

“It makes me want to be in love,” Yuta responds easily and Sicheng tries not to think about that. The connotation of that.

“In love with who?” Sicheng asks despite his brain yelling at him not to. 

Yuta is quiet for a long moment, to the point where Sicheng thinks maybe he didn’t hear him, or is simply ignoring the question. 

“Pass,” Yuta answers finally and Sicheng frowns. He pulls away from the window to look over at the other man and sees Yuta staring straight ahead, looking just the slight bit tense. Sicheng guesses that’s a touchy subject for Yuta. He thinks about how Yuta reacted when Minyoon asked Sicheng to ramen after practice a couple days ago. He thinks about how Yuta looked...jealous? Angry? Displeased? A mix of all of those. He thinks about how it would be perfectly easy for Yuta to love Minyoon and when Sicheng realizes this his heart clenches. He thinks about what  _ that  _ means and then doesn’t think about it. Doesn’t want to. 

Maybe staying over at Yuta’s tonight isn’t such a great idea. 

 

-

“You can have the bed again, I’ll take the couch-” Yuta begins when they step through the door to his apartment. Sicheng cuts him off, “I’m not making you take the couch in your own apartment. If you’re okay with it we can both take the bed...I’d rather not be alone tonight.” Sicheng mumbles the last part. 

Yuta looks at him. Really looks at him and opens his mouth to say something, blinks and shakes his head, closes his mouth and takes a breath to start over. “That,” he gives a soft smile, “That should be fine. I’m okay with that.” 

Sicheng nods and extends his arm, gesturing to the direction he thinks Yuta’s room is in, “Lead the way,” he says. Yuta just raises his eyebrow and gently takes his wrist, pushes it to the opposite side of his apartment. “Room is this way,” Yuta explains with a breathy laugh and Sicheng’s face reddens, “Sorry… I wasn’t really awake the last time I was here.” 

Yuta laughs again at this and grabs ahold of Sicheng’s wrist, pulling him towards the bedroom. “Don’t worry, it’ll probably be a while before I forget that,” he reminds Sicheng. He’s glad for the dim lighting in the apartment or else Yuta would probably start calling him ‘Tomato’ or something like that because of the constant reddening of his face. 

His room is just the same as last time and Sicheng finds it oddly comforting. He stands in the center of the room, unsure of what to do next. He hasn’t spent the night at anyone’s house in a long while. 

Yuta looks up at him from where he’d been ruffling through his dresser, gives him another one of his grins and Sicheng’s heart does a weird flip. He wonders when it started doing that more because of Yuta and less because of Minyoon. But when he thinks about Minyoon and when he thinks about Yuta liking Minyoon, his heart wants to take back the stupid flip at Yuta’s smile and it wants to throw itself in a dumpster. 

He tosses Sicheng a pair of sweats, “I think we’re close to the same size, so you should fit in those. You can change in the bathroom,” he points to the door, “It’s just down the hall right before you go back into the kitchen.” Sicheng nods his thanks and pads into the bathroom, locating it easily. 

Sicheng strips from his practice clothes and wonders if it’s too much of him to ask if he can use the shower to get all the bad feelings from practice off of him. He sticks his head out of the door, “Yuta?” 

Yuta’s head sticks out of his bedroom door and Sicheng has half the thought to laugh a bit at the situation. “Yes?” 

“Can I shower here?” 

Yuta nods, “Leave me some hot water okay? I’ll go when you’re done.”

“Mhm,” Sicheng replies and shuts the door gently. 

The shower isn’t the best, the water pressure is lacking just a bit but Yuta’s shampoo makes it completely worth it. Sicheng thinks it’s the best smelling shampoo he’s ever used. He tries not to think about how now his entire being will smell like Yuta and how that causes his stupid heart to do another one of those jumps. 

He finishes up rather quickly, not really needing to do much besides rinse off. The clothes Yuta gave him fit surprisingly well and Sicheng thinks he might be just a bit taller than Yuta - he never noticed that before. 

Sicheng knocks on the bedroom door and waits for a reply from Yuta before stepping in. What he didn’t expect was for Yuta to only be wearing sweatpants and to have a towel slung around his shoulder. Sicheng thinks Yuta might have also forgotten he wasn’t going to be alone tonight if the look on his face is anything to go by. They both stand frozen for a moment and Sicheng fears it’s so quiet that the pounding of his heart might become evident. 

Yuta breaks out of the trance first, his eyes glancing away quickly and focusing on the hallway behind Sicheng, “I’m going to umm… shower now,” Yuta says albeit a bit breathless. Sicheng nods and steps aside to let Yuta walk past. Sicheng focuses on the bed and doesn’t look up until Yuta shuts the door behind him. He lets out the breath he’d been holding - he’d been trying to even his breathing. To slow his heart. Sicheng thinks he’s going to be extremely fucked. Sicheng thinks he’s been extremely transparent for a couple months now. Sicheng thinks he’s verging on the lines of unintelligence, because how could he deny that in these past months that tension between him and Yuta hadn’t been awkwardness. No. Sicheng has been deeply attracted to Yuta from the moment he met. He’s just been too dense to notice until now. Until now when it’s too late. When Yuta has feelings for someone that’s not him. 

Sicheng sits on the bed, on the side he laid last time he was here. He pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on them. He thinks for a moment. He wonders why he asked to come here. He stops thinking. 

The door opens without a knock and Yuta steps in - completely clothed this time - and hangs the towel on the door after ruffling it over his hair. Sicheng stares. He stares openly and unabashedly and when his gaze locks with Yuta’s, he doesn’t glance away. They stare at each other for a few moments, and Sicheng knows his heart can be heard. 

Yuta breaks their gazes first and flips the light switch off. The room is cast into darkness and Sicheng lowers himself completely into the bed, pulling th covers up to his chin and trying to scoot as close to the edge as possible. He feels dumb. He wants to leave. He wants to stay. He wants… something. He wants his brain to stop. 

A dip in the mattress signals Yuta slipping in next to him. Though the smell of Yuta’s shampoo is indicator enough. 

“Yuta,” Sicheng whispers. 

“Sicheng,” Yuta returns, his voice rough in a way Sicheng hasn’t heard before. 

He truthfully hadn’t known why he said that. “Goodnight…” 

“Goodnight Sicheng.”

 

-

 

It was their last performance before Minyoon took a break and began recording for his new album. They’re backstage again, having just finished hair and makeup. 

Sicheng finds himself at the edge of the crowd again. Watching. Staring at Minyoon and Yuta talking animatedly. He watches the way Minyoon’s eyes light up and he thinks about the way he was dumb for finding them beautiful when Yuta’s smile surely outshines them by millions. Sicheng watches the way Yuta places an easy hand on Minyoon’s chest as they talk and laugh. Sicheng watches. And he feels. He tries not to feel, he tries to block it out and focus but his mind replays the way Yuta’s hand brushed Minyoon’s chest and the way Minyoon laughs and drops his head to Yuta’s shoulder. 

He turns away. 

“Hey.” Sicheng counts to three before turning around to meet Minyoon’s eyes. His heart doesn’t thump wildly anymore. In fact it does the exact opposite. Minyoon gives him a bright smile and touches the braids on the side of Sicheng’s hair. “Nice braids,” he says, repeating the same thing he told Sicheng in their first performance. 

Sicheng pats them absentmindedly, “Thank you.” He gives a thumbs up in response and internally curses himself for still being a mood killer despite everything. 

“Would you like to go out for drinks as a celebration tonight? Just you and I?” Minyoon questions, his voice lilted with something, though his eye-smile is ever present. 

He thinks on this for a moment, and he doesn’t really have anything better to do, but does he really want to be around Minyoon for that long. Especially since all he’ll be reminded of is the way Minyoon stole Yuta’s heart when Sicheng wants that. He wants to be the owner of Yuta’s love. 

“Sure,” he hears himself say. When he looks up he sees the look on Yuta’s face clearly. Anger. Sicheng looks away. He hates himself. 

Their manager urges them out on stage the next moment and this time, unlike their first show, Yuta doesn’t stop to say anything encouraging to Sicheng. He knows he’s screwed up. 

 

-

Their performance goes amazingly, without any faults. Despite the buzzing in Sicheng’s head, he manages to feel like a part of the team for once and when they head backstage afterwards, their choreographer nods at him in a pleased manner. 

They’re heading back to dressing rooms, but Yuta storms ahead, already tugging off his headband and jewelry. When they reach the actual rooms, Yuta has nearly grabbed all his things and when Minyoon notices and tries to stop him, Yuta shoves his arm off without a word. Sicheng watches it all happen wordlessly and when Yuta stops at the door - like he’s waiting for something - and meets his eyes, Sicheng finds himself frozen in place. He feels like he should do something. He knows he should but his feet won’t move. Yuta realizes this and lets out a strangled noise before nodding sharply and stepping the rest of the way out. 

Sicheng stands there in the middle of the room feeling like he just got the wind knocked out of him. 

Minyoon tries to ask him something, probably of actual importance but Sicheng doesn’t spare him a glance. He shakes his head when Minyoon tries to stand in front of him and block him from grabbing his bag. But when Sicheng doesn’t acknowledge him, he licks his lips and nods, steps back and gestures towards the door. Sicheng knows it’s terrible of him to do this to Minyoon. He knows it’s terrible of him to lead him on in the way he did. Sicheng knows. 

“I’m sorry,” he says to the room. He knows Minyoon will understand. He hopes. 

Sicheng walks as fast as he possibly can. He’s not sure where the bus will be. He fell asleep on the way to the venue, and hardly paid attention to where it was parked but he needs to get there before Yuta grabs the rest of his things and hails a taxi. 

He stops a venue staff on the way and asks for directions and before they’re even completely finished he takes off in a run. He thinks it’s a bit silly and a bit too much like the drama he and Yuta watched when he stayed over the first day. 

When the bus appears along with several others in a giant parking lot just outside of the venue, Sicheng’s heart finally unclenches. He dees Yuta standing just outside of it, knocking on the door to be let in and Sicheng sprints the rest of the way before Yuta gets in. 

“Yuta wait,” Sicheng begins breathlessly when he’s a couple feet away. The other man turns to him with a face filled with mixed expressions. He turns away and knocks on the door harder.  “Yuta please,” Sicheng pleads, his hands bracing themselves on his knees as he’s doubled over trying to get his breathing back to normal. 

“What?” Yuta drops his hand and questions, not facing Sicheng. 

“Can we please…” he breathes in heavily, “Please talk somewhere?”

Yuta pauses for a moment, thinking on it and Sicheng has never quite prayed for anything but right now he’s praying for Yuta to listen. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay,” Sicheng wheezes. 

Yuta turns to him and crosses his arms. “Where?” 

Sicheng hadn’t thought that far. “Umm… isn’t there a back room on the bus?” Yuta nods and the gestures to the bus which, right, he’d been knocking at to know avail. 

“Umm… your place?” Sicheng suggests, his voice meek. 

Yuta blinks, scratches his jaw and nods. “We can just take a city bus.” 

 

-

 

They both called their manager to explain they’ll be getting their things from the bus tomorrow and he bids them both farewell and goodluck. 

So now they sit. In Yuta’s living room. At separate ends of the couch, neither having spoke a word. 

Sicheng has been trying to think of the proper way to explain things for the past five minutes and has now given up and decides to wing it. He’s never been one to wing it, so he’s terrifying himself at the moment. 

“I didn’t want to go with Minyoon,” he blurts out at the same time Yuta says, “Why do you feel the need to play with my feelings like this?”

Both of them freeze, Sicheng more so because  _ what?  _

“What?” Sicheng questions. 

Yuta unfreezes, his eyes staring wide at Sicheng, “I asked why you constantly toy with me like you do? I thought it was quite obvious that I liked you, that I was attracted to you. I thought you knew and you were doing things with Minyoon to get me to be jealous, or to get me to like you even more. I asked why would you do that to me?” 

Now it’s Sicheng’s turn to be the one in disbelief. He leans his head back, shakes it. “Why would I like Minyoon? I was sure you liked him. That’s why you always glared when we went out. That’s why you were so angry when I told him today I’d get ramen with him because you wanted to go with him instead.”

Yuta’s eyes grow wider, if that’s possible, “Why would I like him when you exist?” He nearly shouts. Sicheng is rendered speechless. He’d been so sure. So sure. He’d not once considered Yuta could like him. Yuta, with the smile and personality that could put a million suns to shame. Yuta, who helped him when no one else bothered to learn his last name. Yuta who was the most beautiful person inside and out to Sicheng. There was no way that very same Yuta could care for him. 

“There’s nothing likeable about me.”

The other man looks at him in disbelief. Opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. “Can I...Can I kiss you please?” 

Sicheng nods once and then suddenly Yuta is much closer on the couch than before. Leaning over him, both hands placed on either side of Sicheng’s head, Yuta’s body trapped in between Sicheng’s legs. Yuta leans down and pauses just before connecting their lips, he looks like he wants to say something but Sicheng is too impatient and brings a hand up to curve around Yuta’s neck and pulls him down the remaining centimeters to bring their lips together. 

It’s, undoubtedly the best kiss Sicheng has ever experienced. Yuta is so gentle and caring that there’s no way his kissing can be any different and Sicheng relishes in the way Yuta’s lips move against his own. But then Yuta tugs on his bottom lip and he is done for. He lets out an embarrassing noise that later he’ll deny to the ends of the earth, and tugs Yuta closer, wrapping his legs around Yuta’s midsection. 

One of Yuta’s hands moves to lie against the side of Sicheng’s neck, his thumb rubbing tantalising circles there and it drives Sicheng crazy. 

He pulls back just in the slightest to catch his breath and meets Yuta’s eyes, “I think I liked you the moment we met,” Sicheng explains breathlessly. 

Yuta smiles into the next kiss, and presses a million and one kisses all over Sicheng’s face in response. 

“You want to know what’s likeable about you?” Yuta questions, a slight smirk on his face when he pulls back. 

Sicheng noods, breathing heavily. “If you think you can find enough.”

Yuta raises an eyebrow, palms Sicheng’s cheek, “I’ll show you then.” He presses a kiss to every single part of Sicheng, saying “I like this because it helps you exist,” “I like this because your mind is beyond incredible.” He finishes with Sicheng’s mouth and an “I like this because the way you smile drives me insane.” 

Now it’s his turn to smirk, “Funny. I think I was going to say the same thing about you.”

Yuta laughs gently and presses his face into the crook of Sicheng’s neck. The pair lie like that on Yuta’s couch for what feels like hours. 

“Yuta.”

“Sichengie.”

“I know you don’t like cats, but do you think you could learn to?”

“For you, I guess I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> i saw a tweet and literally my brain was like 'write this dumbhead' so here i am
> 
> follow me on twitter @taeminmars


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